Spring Break

This week is Spring Break for all the schools in Austin. And, while Grace isn't in school yet, we are surprisingly affected by the vacation. All of her activities are canceled for the week...Kindermusik, dance, story time, etc. All of this reminds me of how much fun we had on Spring Break last year.

Last year, mom, dad and Shawn David came over from Shreveport to visit with us. Ryan went to visit them right before the break and brought their car to Austin. Then, they rode the train over. From what Mom says, Daddy slept almost the entire way. Looking back, she says that she thinks that he was already getting sicker than we thought he ever would be.

Throughout the week, we were able to make wonderful memories that will last me the rest of my life time. I have an entire album full of photos of Daddy and Grace that I wouldn't have had otherwise. We did so many things...all of them fun, exciting and probably strenuous on Daddy's body. There were little things that happened during the week that made me realize that dad was getting worse...for instance: When we went to see the Alamo, it started raining. Usually, dad would run for an umbrella or a poncho and tell me to stay dry. This year, he eagerly stood in an overhang with mom and waited for something to come to him. I know this is a little thing, but it shows me (of course, in hindsight) that he just wasn't the same as before.

Another thing that we noticed was the way he walked. In stead of the normal, peppy pace that most people on vacation have, he kinda just trudged along...slowly plodding from place to place. I thought that he wanted to sit and rest with Grace to spend time with her - and while that might be partly true - I think that mainly he just needed to sit and rest. The dad that I grew up with would have left the babies with the mom and would take off to play with the boys. (He would have definitely taken some baby-cuddling time at the end of the day!).

Anyway, as time goes on - can you believe that it has been almost 10 months? - I look back and I can't believe how sick he was and I didn't even notice. Was it because I looked at him as invincible and immortal? I mean, what child looks at their parent and thinks that they will one day die? Or maybe I was just blind and naive...I didn't see what was right in front of me because I couldn't handle, couldn't accept it?

No matter why I didn't realize that dad was sick - the fact is - he was. Very sick. More ill than I ever realized until the day I had to clean out his medicine cabinet and saw more pills than any one person should ever have to take in a 24 hour period. Looking back, makes me realize that going on in life would have been so hard for him - so much harder for him than this dealing with death and grief thing is for me.

Any way...this week marks the year anniversary of the last of the fun memories that I have with my daddy. And, it just sucks.

A