Missing You

The days seem to just drag by now. I can't call you to tell you what is going on with me or ask for some advice for whatever I need help with. I think to all the times that I could have called you and didn't. Or called and only talked for a couple of minutes.

I also remember many times one of us would call - and you always asked the same question. "How is my baby?" Once Grace was born, that changed to, "How are my babies?" I love that I always felt so cherished and loved by you. How many other adult women can say the same about their daddy? I love that I still crawled into your lap to snuggle all the way up until I was almost 31.

Moments come when I want to call and ask a question about the bible. Or call and say do you know what day we did...? Or could you send me the photos from when...? Can you come take a family picture for us? Then it is like the grief just hits me fresh all over again. I miss you so terribly.

One of Grace's favorite things to do is look at her photos. There are so many photos of the two of you. She still knows your name and tells you she loves you. It breaks my heart that she won't know you like I do. I pray that God gives me the words to tell her.

I hope that you can see your grand babies - and see that you DO go on. Through us. Through them. Your mannerisms, your sense of humor, your expressions. They are still alive and in us.

This life is so weird without you. So sad and so lonely. I don't know how to live in it. I am learning day by day and finding joy in the love of family and Grace. But, it is like there is a hole in my heart now that will always be empty.

I remember when you told me you were scared that no one would remember you when you were gone. How wrong you were. No one has forgotten you. And I never, ever will.

I love you so much, Daddy. I miss you just as much.
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