We made it....

or did we really? The calendar says that we did. But, it doesn't feel easier today than it did this time last year. Not so fresh, but just as shocked. Just as sad.

If you noticed I didn't (couldn't) update on the days that surrounded his death...the last day I heard his voice (May 14, 2007), the last positive updates, the day he died, the day of the funeral. I just couldn't. I laid in bed pretending to sleep while tears rolled down my eyes thinking of him and every thing I have lost. Who my mom has lost, who Grace lost.

What does that mean, anyway? He isn't lost. I know where he is. And it isn't where I want him...here with us. Does that make me selfish to all the Christians who know he is in heaven?

All I know is I miss him.